Something funny happened to me yesterday.

As I was breaking up with the guy I was seeing (He is a wooooonderful guy, it's just... I can't feel for him. Not sure why) and I was trying to explain him the reasons why I couldn't see him anymore (and of course I was trying to evade as possible to say the real honest thing: you are wonderful, but I'm just not INTO you) I started to listen to myself... because the things I was saying sounded awfully familiar... I realized that those were the same things that you say to me every time I confront you with the question: why you keep seeing me? (that can be translated to: why if you want to see me, don't want to BE just with me?)

I kind of laugh to myself. Irony can be funny too.

But you know? There is some lesson here:
I would've liked to keep this guy around, just like a security blanket sort of thing, somebody to reach out when I feel lonely or sad or in need of attention. But even though it was kind of scary to let him go (Am I making a mistake? Would I find somebody else? Am I losing a real chance with somebody that wants to be with me? Should I just settle because I'm getting older? etc etc) I realized that I was doing not only the right thing for me; but also FOR HIM. He deserves somebody that has no doubts about him. Somebody that is going to appreciate him for all the good things he has, and not only because he pays attention to her and treats her well. I was in doubt and scared about throwing away a good chance, a good candidate... but the decision wasn't only about me, was about him too.

Capisce? Does it ring any bell?
Hope so.

This simply means one thing: stop fucking around with me. Be honest with yourself and don't be selfish. I deserve somebody that loves ME, and you deserve that too. And to be in love with somebody you don't have any doubts about.

As you said, is not good to compare BUT... you have met people before that didn't make you feel ANY doubts. Women with whom you would have TOTALLY gone for it, without thinking that much. So keep searching that, and let me search for something similar myself.

I still want to do the animal breathing thing, and the game too. But I'd rather keep our communication very limited, only about those topics. I know it's my fault too. I have been reaching to you, trying to see you as a friend. I guess with time we will get to that point and I really would love that to happen. I want to be your friend. But things are still too fresh. We need some time to separate feelings.

At least I do.